Irene is a single mom. Separated from her long-time partner a few years ago, he now lives in another country with their son, while their 7-year old daughter Sara lives with Irene. Sara is very rebellious, requiring much attention - you easily could call her spoiled. Irene does not refuse her anything, but that doesn't change her daughter's behaviour. Sara pushes a button and Irene runs to fulfil her every wish.

I asked Irene: "If guilt were an issue here, what would be the underlying beliefs?" She knew the answer immediately: "I'm the reason that my daughter cannot be with her father." And "I can't be available for her as much as she wants me to be."

After saying the sentences for these beliefs, Irene reported that a dark cloud was lifting. Visualising Sara and her wishes, she said: "She can't push that button anymore. I'm responsible and I will set boundaries if necessary."

Painful separations are a part of life and part of our destiny, as partners, parents and children. When you decide to separate, you're doing the best you can. Even if a separation or divorce is extremely painful, staying would have hurt more. After such a separation life continues as it is, independent from what could have been done or should have been done.  

These 'woulds' and 'shoulds' are beliefs or fantasies that lead to guilt. Reality is the only thing that counts. The guilt feelings can alienate us from those around us and they also can keep us from taking responsibility for those we're responsible for. Irene could not own her responsibility to set parental boundaries for Sara as long as she felt guilty about the separation.

Logosynthesis helps to identify and resolve the limiting beliefs in which the guilt is rooted. Once the beliefs are resolved, all involved are able to cope with destiny.